Page by Paige
by The Nerdinator
Summary: New Heroes, S1E3. Paige wants something to do on the team, but her bad attitude isn't endearing anyone to her cause. She'll need to figure out something quick, too, because Sloppy Joe's latest plan will leave an even fouler taste in everyone's mouths. [REDONE]


**AN: I wasn't proud of this one, so I decided to have a go at redoing it. Hope it works better.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Cold Open**

* * *

"Bum, ba-dum, dum dum da dum dum, da de de do da, de da do dah," a tall figure hummed to himself as he moved assorted clutter out of his walking space. He then made sure he could fit. He could. Good.

"There...now I have enough room," he sighed happily. He turned to face a large device mostly obscured by pale green tubing.

"I gotta say, Joe," the figure said to himself, smiling to reveal crooked, yellow teeth, "you did good. Well, I'm evil, really...ah, never mind."

(Cue theme song).

* * *

 **Chapter 2: And so it begins**

* * *

 _"You are NOTHING! You will never amount to anything, so stop trying!"_

 _"I HATE you! You're rude and snobbish, and I can't believe I once tried to be your friend!"_

 _"You stink! Literally!"_

"PAIGE!"

Paige snapped out of her thoughts. "Sorry Alex, I spaced out a bit there."

Alex shrugged. "It's alright, it happens to everyone." The strawberry blonde was one of Paige's best friends, and though she normally kept quiet, she did have some insights into things. The two were in the mall, walking slowly.

"So, how exactly did you get your job again?" Paige asked.

"The retail store needs some extra workers," the other girl replied. "So they went scouting, and when I found out about it, I felt I was ready to do something in my life."

"Yeah...we probably shouldn't have been mean to so many people."

"Definitely. I mean, I feel sorry for you, but you _weren't_ exactly the best influence on me."

Paige sighed.

"I really appreciate you and Sam coming to see me off," Alex said, deciding to change the subject. "You guys mean a lot to me."

"Thanks. Hey, where is Sam, anyway?"

After looking around for a little bit, they looked up to find her on the level above them. The blonde was chatting to some friends of hers. Then she was distracted by something, long enough for her to forget where she was going and nearly fell down an escalator. Luckily, she caught herself in the nick of time. Then she noticed her friends and bounded down the escalator to greet them.

"Hey guys!" she chirped. "Sorry I'm late, but I got distracted by the juiciest piece of gossip. Amanda and Daniel really are going out like Winter said they were."

"What?! She's a year older than he is!" Paige spluttered.

"I guess he likes her personality," Alex commented. Under her breath, she added, "Or maybe it's just her rear."

Paige sighed. "I just know this is gonna be a long day. Well, at least it can't get any weirder."

The sound of flapping wings filled the air as a shadow crossed the ground.

"You just _had_ to say it," Alex gulped. Paige elbowed her to shut her up.

* * *

On first appearance, he looked like a butterfly. But he was really a robot designed to look like a butterfly.

"Okay, Operation: Exact Change is underway," said the boy the robot was carrying in his three-toed feet. "Drop me, buddy!"

Jetpack let go of his brother. Ty sped to the ground. Then, a flash of light, and he rather anticlimactically fell into a fountain with a blip.

A Northern leopard frog climbed out of the fountain and spat out a roll of coins. "Keep that in your chest, Jetpack," Ty said as he demorphed. "You'll never know when you'll need some change."

Jetpack landed, scooped up the roll, opened his chest cavity, and tossed the roll inside. After a few seconds, it hit the back of the compartment with a clang.

Ty then noticed he had company. "Oh, hey Paige."

"Really, Ty? Stealing from a fountain?"

"In my defense, my wish was for spare change."

"That is _the_ lamest excuse I have ever heard."

"It is?" Sam asked.

Ty ignored them. "Besides, I've got two years to get in as many 'brotherly hijinks' with my new sibling before college. Dude needs to learn some things anyway." Jetpack nodded in agreement.

"Paige..." Alex said, worried, "isn't he...you know..."

"Dead?" Sam asked.

"It turns out he wasn't, and now he has superpowers," Paige explained. "I don't know how it's possible either."

Ty waved sheepishly. Jetpack sheeped wavishly (don't ask me how).

"You know," Alex said, "I think I'm going to my job. I don't want to be late. Bye Sam, Paige...Ty...and-"

"Jetpack," the robot said.

Alex left. "Oh my gosh, I completely forgot I had to run errands for my parents!" Sam exclaimed. "Bye guys! It was nice meeting you, robot dude. Paige, I'll see you later." She raced off.

Paige smirked to herself. "She's annoying, but in an endearing kind of way."

"Like us?" Ty asked.

"I still don't like you."

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Abby likes a boy**

* * *

Ty looked at her, a bit miffed. "Excuse me?"

"Maybe it's because I don't know you that well, but you're still a dorky cheesewad."

"Not the most unusual insult I've been called, but still. You're no saint yourself."

"Don't remind me." The air was tense. Speaking of said air, Paige sniffed it and grimaced. "Yuck. Who cut the cheese?"

"Your mom!" someone passing by said.

* * *

Paige's mother cut into a block of cheese.

* * *

"Before you say anything, it wasn't me this time."

"I didn't say it was! Look, just smell, alright?"

He did, and made a face. "Egads, this is nasty. Jetpack, you're lucky that you can't smell anything."

The robot looked at his brother, confused. Then he decided to say, "Should we check this out?"

"I'll do it myself," Paige replied. "You two already saved the world a few days ago. Let someone else have a turn. By which I mean me, of course."

"You sure you can handle it?" Ty asked, incredulous.

"I've been handling it for six weeks now. Of course I can."

"Those missions were a bit...simpler than what Abby and I've dealt with," he reminded her.

"Will you just go already?"

Ty shrugged. "C'mon, Jetpack, _some people_ don't appreciate good advice," he said. Jetpack looked at Paige, waved goodbye, and scampered off after his brother.

Paige groaned and followed the smell.

* * *

"Ah, Paige, good timing," Chester said when she approached. They were outside a perfume shop. "We got a call that all the perfume in here suddenly changed odor to what you're smelling right now."

"I wish I _wasn't_ smelling it," Paige replied through her nose. "It's even worse than what _you_ used to smell like."

"Yeah, I know," Chester sighed. "Don't need the memories." Paige rolled her eyes, something he noticed.

* * *

They walked further into the store. Throughout it was a pungent odor like garlic and rotten eggs.

"Sulfur compounds," Chester gagged. "And if I'm not mistaken, a hint of selenium. Two of the stinkiest elements out there."

"Wait a minute, isn't there selenium in shampoo?" Paige asked. "Isn't it the orange stuff?"

"I wouldn't know. Smelly teen, remember?" Suddenly, a dark red ponytail whacked him in the face.

"Hey, watch it!" Silence. "Oh. Chester. ...Sorry?"

Chester coughed, then pulled a long strand of hair out of his mouth. "Abby, have you found the source of the stench?"

"Yep," Abby said, producing a sprayer she had found on the floor. "Every bottle in here has been injected with diallyl disulfide, one of the chemicals that give garlic its odor. Some also contain hydrogen sulfide and selenium dioxide, both very foul-smelling compounds."

"Sloppy Joe. Gotta be his doing," Chester replied. "And knowing him, he's probably going to try and make the city a stinkfest."

"How did you figure all that out?" Abby asked, suitably impressed.

"I've been the host for a villainous parasite. I know how all the villains think."

As the conversation went on, Paige leaned against a wall and sighed. Sure, her teammates weren't particularly cool, but they'd quickly worked out a well-oiled dynamic; as a popular girl, she wasn't too book-smart, but her street-smarts were very finely tuned to the social interactions of others.

Abby and Ty had the most experience of the team, and were the best at leading and fighting the complicated stuff, respectively.

Chester could deduct a villain's scheme from just a tiny bit of information.

Lab Rat was super-intelligent, capable of building machines the laws of nature usually made people give up on.

Naomi was an excellent fighter, attacking so fast her opponents were quickly overwhelmed.

Even Jetpack, a dim-witted robot only four days old, could put up a fight with those fluid cannons of his.

Paige? She didn't fit in at all. It was saddening, really, just one string of many in her life.

Then she saw a light blush on Abby's cheeks when Chester said, "But _you_ know how to fight them better than anyone."

"You bet I do." It didn't take long for Paige to piece together that her rival had a crush on him.

Chester got up. "C'mon, Abby. We've got a villain to stop."

As soon as he was out of earshot, Paige said to Abby, "You _like_ him."

"I do not!" This while Abby was blushing even harder. "Look, just do the world a favor, and go to the lab and stay out of our way, alright?"

"Fine. I didn't want to go on this cruddy mission anyway!"

As Abby stormed off, muttering various profanities under her breath, Paige sighed as the thoughts came back.

 _You'll never be one of them. They're heroes, and what are you? Legally classified as a villain on probation._

 _You'll never be worth anything._

* * *

 **AN: Will Paige find her place?**

 **Will Chester find Joe?**

 **Is Abby helping her case?**

 **Yep. Yep. Not a chance.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: This is an argument**

* * *

By now, Paige had gone to the Gag Lab, and had her head down on the table.

"You okay?" Naomi asked her. The redhead was also in the lab, but for the purpose of training, pausing from firing at holographic villains to check on her. "You look bummed."

"Gee, thank you so much, Captain Obvious," Paige grumbled through her hair.

Naomi sighed. "Come on, spill it, what's bothering you?"

"I just...you're the team fighter, right?"

"Right."

"Abby's the leader, Chester's the villain expert and infiltrator, Jetpack's the battle droid, and Ty does whatever his random superpowers are good for. And me?"

"Well, you haven't exactly been behaving well as of late," Naomi said decidingly. "I figured you're jealous that Ty managed to get more fame than you did."

"Not entirely...I just don't fit in. Me, not fit in!"

"Can I touch your shoulder?" No response, so she did. "There's gotta be something for you to do that the rest of us aren't as good at. I mean, didn't come here knowing I could kick butt, you know, and here I am. Listen, I know it's rough, trying to change how people think about you; I think Abby still sees me as a little delicate. But things change. And if villains can reform, like they did long ago, then perhaps you can too."

Lab Rat entered.

"Lab Rat? I'm done with my training for today."

"Okay," the scientist replied. Naomi left the lab, leaving Paige thinking _I wonder what Chester and Abby are doing right now..._

* * *

"I wish you had told me about this ventilation shaft sooner," Abby said to Chester as they crawled through said shaft.

"Lab Rat was meaning to wait until September 8 to tell you I was even _on the team_ , so it's not like I had a choice," her blonde coworker replied.

"Why then?"

"'Cuz it's your birthday."

"Oh...how does he know that?"

"We're government officials, technically speaking, so they have to know our records by law. Plus Lab Rat's seen our birth certificates."

"That man scares me sometimes. I've worked with him for almost two years now, and I still can't understand him."

"Me either."

"You know what else I don't understand? Paige being on the team at all! I mean, she's dumb, and rude, and a whiny little-"

"PG show, Abby."

Abby growled softly. "She says she's changed, but has she? Nooo, I don't think so!"

"Change takes _time_ , Abby, and you know that." Silence except for the padding of hands on sheet metal. "We're here."

* * *

 _Thud. Thud._

"Okay, Joe, we know your plan. It's time for you to clean up your act," Abby said, raising her goopshooter.

Joe turned around.

"Dangit. Chester, I hope you're pleased with yourself for killing the surprise."

"I am, as a matter of fact," Chester replied, grinning.

"But lucky for me, that's not the only surprise I got." With that, Joe belched, causing the Grossologists to faint from the smell. Joe picked them up and strapped them to what resembled an operating table.

"You just so happen to be the perfect test subjects."

Joe left the room to get his device.

"Well, this bites," Chester said.

"You can say that again," Abby replied.

Their hands strayed, coming in contact with each other and clasping. Neither one noticed.

* * *

"You mind, Squirfenherder?" Paige growled when Lab Rat's tinkering got too loud for her. "Trying to mope here."

"First off, I'd prefer it if you _didn't_ use my real name, and second, you came here of your own volition," Lab Rat retorted.

"What difference does it make to you? Forget it. I can't do anything right."

Silence.

"I felt the same way growing up," Lab Rat said calmly. "Being super-intelligent has a pretty big drawback, and that's called bullying. But hey, I found this place, and I've never left it ever since."

"Literally, in your case."

Lab Rat sighed. "Look, you've been a very mean and selfish person in the past. You've got a long way to go before I can safely say that I like your company. But," he continued, "you managed to fight off Kid Rot, and that means that you at least have _some_ sense of duty and heroism. Whatever will happen," he grumbled, "you're part of the team whether I like it or not.

"Things have changed around here," he continued. "Ty's superpowered, Chester's normal again-"

"Normal as he'll ever be," Paige said to herself.

Lab Rat gave her a look before finishing. "- Jetpack _exists_ , and you...you're at least trying to right your wrongs. If you can prove to me that you truly have a sense of selflessness, perhaps I'll reconsider my opinion on you."

Then his computer started frizzling, and The Director's face came through the screen.

"Paige, Lab Rat, I've got some distressing news. Two of our other agents are in Sloppy Joe's lair, and by the looks of it aren't leaving. They could be in trouble. I need one of you to get out there and stop him and whatever plans he has to [shudder] make everything smell TERRIBLE!" The transmission ended.

"Smell terrible. THAT is the worst thing he can come up with. Not 'I-can't-walk-without-choking-to-death, THAT?" Paige sighed. "And he's our boss, of all people."

"He's not the best, but he gets the job done. Seriously, can't you go one day without picking on people?"

"I don't- wait a minute, that's it!"

"What's it?"

"Can't talk now, gotta do something I should've been doing to other people who aren't the people I've been doing it to!"

Lab Rat tried to follow, but eventually just said "...What?"

* * *

 **Chapter 5: This is not an argument**

* * *

"What are you planning on doing to us?" Abby asked.

"People have always made such a _fuss_ about how they smell," Joe replied. "Covering up perfectly fine odor with _perfume_ and _cologne_. It makes me sick to my stomach."

"Really? It just makes _me_ sneeze," Chester remarked.

"Anywho," Joe continued, ignoring Chester, "I decided to have a little fun and start injecting sulfur and selenium compounds into _all the city's perfume_. That way everyone will smell almost as bad as I do. _Now_ who's making fun of me for smelling awful?"

"So I take it that's what that thing is for," Abby said, meaning the large device near them. "It's a concentrator. Isolating sulfur compounds from onions and garlic, with some extra stench thrown in to taste."

"And here's the best part," Joe said, producing a large, heavy-looking sack. "I've just received some _tellurium_ dioxide from a private supplier. Think sulfur and selenium reek? Tellurium's even _worse_. Once I get this in the mix, I'll have my greatest stink formula yet, and I'll bring this city to its knees. And here's the best part of all. You two get to be the first ones to try it."

He began to load the pale yellow powder into the concentrator's barrel. Abby and Chester exchanged a worried glance.

* * *

 _Just outside Joe's lair..._

Ty oozed along the ground before returning to his normal form. "Okay Jetpack, all we do is-"

"Sorry dude, but this one's mine." Paige stood in front of him.

"Seriously?"

"Look, I'm sorry if I made fun of you. I'm still trying to work through issues I didn't even know I had."

Ty squinted at her.

"Ty, when people help us, isn't that good?" Jetpack asked.

Ty sighed. "Okay, I guess the robot's right. So what's your idea?"

"Can you ooze under the door and see what's going on?"

"Certainly." He did so, then returned. "Abby and Chester are strapped to some sort of table. Sloppy Joe's got some weird-looking device. Most likely a stink bomb of some sort."

"Okay, you two handle that. I'll take on Joe."

"You could pass out."

"If I can stand next to you for this long, I'll be fine."

Ty made a series of faces while Paige came to the door. "Jetpack, tear down the door."

* * *

"And...that's the last of that," Joe said. He began to type buttons into the concentrator.

"I hope someone saves us," Chester gulped.

"Hopefully not Paige," Abby muttered.

"She's not _completely_ inept. She can be very resourceful when need be. One time she defeated Fartor _with a paper clip._ "

"...How?"

"I dunno. She never told me, and Fartor was too embarrassed to explain it."

Suddenly, the door came crashing down. Ty, with oversized fists. Jetpack, with his combat panel on and his rear dripping acid. And Paige, with nothing but her biting mockery.

"What? Oh come on! I paid good money for that door!" Joe complained.

"Pfft. Please. The only good your money can do is get spent. I highly suspect that it's laundered, and with your grime I know it'd have to be."

"You little punk!" Joe roared.

"Come at me, Joe!" Paige screeched, and the two fought.

While this was happening, Ty came over to his captive friends. "Funny, we were just talking about you," Chester said as Ty ripped the table table from its support and tore off the straps. Meanwhile, Jetpack tried to jump onto the concentrator.

"Good things, I hope," Ty smiled. "Oh, have you two been getting friendly without me knowing?"

It was then Abby and Chester noticed they had been holding hands the whole time.

The hold broke.

"Well, er, sorry, that was, I mean, it wasn't intentional," Abby stammered.

"Accidents happen," Chester replied calmly. Ty laughed.

Jetpack fell onto the floor. "Hey, Jetpack, can you get a shot from down there?" Ty asked.

Jetpack rolled onto his front. "I don't see any doctors." Silence. "Oh, you meant _me_ shooting _acid_. Yeah, I can do that." He got onto his feet, pointing his abdomen into the air. He ejected a thin stream of hydrochloric acid mixed with water into the core of the concentrator.

"No! Not the Stinkerator 5400!" Joe groaned.

"You named it _that_? No wonder you're so pathetic," Paige taunted. Joe raised his head for a headbutt, but Paige ducked out of the way, and Joe knocked himself out when his head met the ground.

With a hiss and a fizzle, the Stinkerator 5400 died.

"Cheerleader agility, prissy girl style. Insult them enough and their judgement's gone," Paige explained, removing one of her gloves to inspect her fingernails.

Ty coughed. "Uh, sorry...it looks like..."

"...you are, in fact, an asset to the team after all," Abby murmured awkwardly. "Sorry if we doubted you."

"Eh, I'll forgive you," Paige replied. "Also, sorry for being mean to you guys. You're much better at this than I am."

"You can learn," Chester said.

* * *

"So you've got yourself a skill, huh?" Ty asked, back at the mall (Chester and Naomi had already left).

"Mm-hmph. Designated Taunter. Not much, but I'll take it. It feels...natural, y'know?"

Ty nodded. "And I think Abby may feel something for Chester."

"I DO NOT!" Abby interjected. Silence. "Okay, _fine_ , I have a crush on him. Happy?"

Paige squeed. "Oooh, Abby, I think I can help you!" she sang.

Abby groaned. "Just don't tell Chester, okay? I want to tell him myself. Come on, guys, Mom and Dad will be looking for us."

The Archer trio left. Paige smirked. "What a bunch of dorks," she chuckled. "But in a good way."

 _This won't change anything, you know. You're still a loser._

 _Stuff it_ , Paige mentally replied to the voices.

They did.

* * *

 **AN: Jetpack's chest compartment cover is removable. One panel is "casual" and is one color; the other is "combat" and has the markings of a slimesuit. Removing the "casual" panel and replacing it with the "combat" panel is how Jetpack suits up. Somehow, it's an effective disguise.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Credits Gag**

* * *

"I still can't believe you're not completely incompotent," Lab Rat said to Paige.

"I have a B- in science, but psychology's really what I'm into. I know how to push everyone's buttons," Paige replied cockily.

"We don't recommend it, though. Keep in mind, you ARE still on probation," The Director cut in, sternly glaring at her.

Paige squeaked. "Y-yessir."

The end.


End file.
